Pre-kindergarden
student DeAndre Hughes (center) and his fellow students
go over lessons in their classroom at Nevitt Elementary
School in Phoenix. (Mark Henle/The Arizona Republic)
Making the jump: Kids heading to first or new school need
parents' help to fit in
By QUYNH TRAN
The Arizona Republic
Crouching over the group of pre-kindergarteners sitting
"crisscross applesauce" around her, Minerva Roldan reads
"Chester saw a lady with a feather in her hat."
"Does the feather touch his nose?" she asks.
"Yes," the children cry in unison. "Achoo!"
Meanwhile, Jason Claudio, 4, struggles to open his milk
carton. With a little assistance, he pries open the carton's
mouth, sniffs it approvingly and inserts the straw.
A little pigtailed girl comes out from the bathroom and
is asked "Lavas tus manos? Did you wash your hands?"
She nods enthusiastically and holds up her hands.
These children are in a program designed to get them ready
for kindergarten in Tempe, Ariz. The idea is that 4- and
5-year-olds will gain confidence by practicing how to put
away things, sit calmly and open milk cartons.
Going back to school is a major transition for many children.
Preschoolers go from free-form play to class instruction.
Middle school children may be confused by a shifting schedule.
High schoolers face daunting social pressures.
The best advice for kids: Get into the new routine and
make friends. The best advice for parents: Help them, even
when they push away in junior high and high school. Any
transition is smoother when there is stability at home.
Reassuring routines
Patrick and Cathleen O' Hannigan and their children, Thomas,
5, and Jane, 4, moved to Arizona from California three months
ago, the first move for the children. The family found a
Korean-adoptee play group for Thomas. The children frequently
visit their aunt in nearby Scottsdale. They attend tae kwon
do classes Saturday mornings.
O'Hannigan, a technical writer, wants his children to
build new bonds but not cut old ties. Jim Shelton, 14, of
San Luis Obispo, Calif., the children's favorite baby-sitter,
recently came in for a weeklong visit.
Although still undecided about which kindergarten to send
his son, O'Hannigan reassures Thomas that no matter what
school he goes to, he will make new friends and is not alone.
Experts say that open and positive discussions coupled
with routine, such as the O'Hannigans', celebrate rather
than demonize transitions.
Finding friends
As children move into middle school, they shift their
social relationships from parents and family to friends.
Friends share experiences and can be more understanding
and accepting.
Who am I? Do I belong? Am I smart, athletic or funny enough?
Children's fears about fitting in become greater with a
change in school.
"Just listen to their fears and anxiety," says Susan Ginsberg,
editor of the monthly Work and Family Life newsletter, distributed
by human resources departments. "Parents need not solve
their children's problems."
Parents should be interested in their children's lives
— at any age — without micromanaging them, says Carleton
Kendrick, a family therapist who advises parents nationwide
and the author of "Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We're
Going to Grandma's" (Unlimited Publishing, $13.99). "Teens
need a safe place to fall back to."
Bigger world
Parents who've just moved can scout out other kids in
the neighborhood, find out what activities they're involved
in and see if their kids want to do the same.
They can encourage older kids to explore activities away
from home or school.
In an increasingly mobile nation, many parents and children
must adjust to new school years and communities.
How to do it? Listen. Talk. Reassure. Help your kids find
friends. Help them find places, such as the YMCA, library
and church groups where they can be who they are.
But the most important thing you can do is just be there
for them, says Kendrick. They need you, even when they ignore
or yell at you. Kids can face just about anything outside
when they know their home is a haven and their parents accept
them. And as Dr. Benjamin Spock told parents in his seminal
book: Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.
