Parents can avoid falling to traps that wreck child's confidence
The Arizona Republic
Following are some potentially confidence-wrecking scenarios
parents should avoid:
Don't be negative
"Parents who are critical and negative cause low self-confidence,"
psychologist Carol Bettino says.
Here are some potentially confidence-wrecking scenarios parents
should avoid:
"If your child has cleaned up his room, don't tell him only,
'You didn't put your shoes away.' Kids get discouraged if all
they hear is 'No, no, no.'"
Don't set impossible goals
If you make the goals for your child too high and he or she
cannot master them, self-confidence suffers.
"Adjust your expectations if they are too high," says child
development specialist and psychology professor Paul Miller.
Don't overprotect your kids
"You are not helping them by keeping them away from hurts or
disappointments," Miller says.
Children lose confidence if they don't learn how to master disappointments,
such as not making the team or not doing well on a test. It's
all part of growing up.
Don't make your goals into your children's goals
They may not be able to meet them. Their talents might lie elsewhere.
Don't reward your child for every success
"Children like to feel the success they have created," Miller
says. "Sometimes you have to let them enjoy their own moment.
"When my daughter, Kate, needed blood drawn at the doctor's,
they had to do it twice. It was hard enough the first time — she's
7. It took awhile for her to get ready for the second. My wife
and I had learned not to pressure her for a solution immediately.
We explained why it needed to be done, then we waited. About 15
minutes later, she said, 'Let's do it,' and got in the chair.
"Afterward, I wanted to hug her and let her know she did well,
but she pushed me away. 'That makes me feel like a baby,' she
said. She wasn't rejecting me but asserting her own sense of achievement.
She had mastered something she didn't want to do and wanted to
enjoy the sense of independence that gave her."
Don't act like a pill just because your kid acts like
one
"Research shows the parent who can stay calm when the kids display
negative emotions have kids that are much better at self-regulating
five years down the road," Miller says. Being emotionally patient
can be difficult, but modeling such behavior is one of the best
things you can do for your child.
